It’s never too late to start over. If your not happy with yesterday, try something different today. Don’t stay stuck. Do better!

Hi everyone and welcome back to Sosodempo. It’s a tough topic to talk about as many of us like to portray an image of fun, happiness and success, but this week I am going to talk about being lonely. I have found as I have become an adult and the more relationships I make with People, the more I hear and see a repetitive topic crop up in life conversations, and that is people being isolated and lonely. I often get told “oh your so lucky to have friends” and “oh you wouldn’t understand as you seem to have loads of friends”. Okay maybe I am not in this position at this time but it doesn’t mean that I don’t see it and that I also want to see if being more aware and open minded can maybe help people who are finding themselves part of this extremely common situation. The reason I keep calling it a “situation” is because I believe in change and I believe that all people have qualities to barter with! 

I’ve often tried to think of why in adult years this loneliness is more prevalent and I personally believe that this fast paced world of modern living has lessened the opportunities to interact. For someone who may be a little quieter that can be detrimental to creating personal bonds with people a.k.a Friends! For example when we were younger, everyday we had the opportunity to meet people in school, if we disagreed at times it did not last long as we had to return to the school the next day and start again. It was the perfect place to create friendships as the probability of alot of people in one place would mean more chance of getting along with someone. But as an adult we might not get that forced social gathering. We might work in small environments or alone where the chances of meeting people are small. We might miss the friends that we once had and because we were maybe hurt in the past as an adult we remember more and maybe are less likely to put up with poor behaviour, which don’t get me wrong that really is not a bad thing at times, obviously I advise to protect yourself. However sometimes friendships can fall apart over issues that looking back may be smaller that you thought at the time or at least given half the chance you may have handled it different? 

I feel that social media forms have at times taken over the “real life” social gatherings. No longer are we meeting on the play ground or at the local community centre or even the pub on a Saturday night! Now we find ourselves portraying a busy, fulfilled and happy life, all through the the power of social media. But what is left when that is all taken away? I am pro social media obviously “I am Sosodempo, the Irish Beauty & Lifestyle blogger ” of course 😅. I have written blogs in the past that replicate this, I don’t want to go too deep into this right now. What I actually want to focus on is finding the “healthy balance”. Life is of upmost importance,we only get one! So if we find ourselves unhappy and feeling lonely, why not take the risk on ourselves and maybe try again at this whole daunting world of making friends. I have thought about this for along time now and I have written down a few key suggestions to what I think might help. 

#1. Positive Thinking:

  • I know it’s a cliché but as I have said before there is a reason why things are repetitive, maybe it’s because they work. So here’s my first suggestion,start with being positive toward change. Maybe I would suggest that if you find yourself thinking ” she has no idea” or “you don’t understand” or your feeling like no one understands your feelings, believe me when I say this, you are not the only one feeling like this! No matter what you think. It is extremely common and definitely something that is in all aspects of life. The reason you feel like you are alone is because it is covered up well by most and therefore there is an illusion created that it does not exist.
  • Believe that people are open to maybe being friendly with you, because again they probably are! Often too many of us sit back and wait and the reality of that is,if we all sit back and wait none of us will get anywhere. Be proactive. 
  • Build trust with people before you bitch with them. This is one tip that is super important. Not everyone enjoys a bitch or gossip about others. But also the person you think gets your point maybe actually does not and does not tell you this. So let’s just leave the bitching or gossiping to the side for now. 
  • Let me remind you that you are worth it. You deserve to have friends and there is nothing wrong with you. It’s all just the way in which you approach it  there is room for us all. Go and get ’em! 

#2. Where to try:

So briefly I spoke about the school yard earlier and how it was a great way of getting in contact with people. Now we need to identify where we can replicate  that being an adult. 

  • Firstly I suggest a group sport or group activity for example a walking group, dancing, fitness classes, swimming. If your not sports driven how about a book club,or cards club or even a local committee. 
  • Volunteer with charity? Now here is a perfect way to meet people with interests like you, and you get to do good too. 
  • How about get in touch with old acquaintances? We offer overlook what’s in front of us. Maybe put the past behind you and “think positive” just say to yourself ” I want to have some fun, why not”. 
  • Go to parties and concerts/ festivals etc. This is the ideal time to have the ( craic, banter or the Lol’s). They might be exactly where everyone your age might be. You’re welcome ticket master 😅😅🤗

So now that we have believing in yourself and where to start covered now I want to start with 

#3 How to approach people/ your approach:

  • Be friendly- if you are looking for friends  to sit and listen to your problems now is definitely not the time. In the future yes maybe but initially not now. Be approachable and don’t be afraid to smile. 
  • Don’t be afraid to start up conversation. Ask them questions like “how are you?”. This is always a handy one as people like to feel like they are important to you. We all do infact. But maybe let them try and speak about themselves. Often I find I have gotten nervous in the past meeting someone new and not intentionally I have went flat out talking 100 miles an hour, the poor person has found it very overwhelming and I of course got embarrassed. I don’t mean it, it’s just nervous babble but it can come across very selfish and that’s not what you want to portray. So if you can remember try play it cool there is nothing to be nervous about! They are human just like you. I promise you even people you think are extremely sociable still have those feelings too. So maybe watch someone you think is good with people and try pick up some tips or tricks. It really is the little things in life that makes things easier for you. 

So everyone basically what I am saying is to keep trying. If having friendships and people in your life is what you feel your missing then I suggest change it. When I say change it I don’t mean the person you are bit I do mean how you approach it and try the suggestions made. I gaurentee this will work if you stay positive. 

I believe in you so hopefully you start to believe in you too. #self belief. 

Best of luck on your new approach. It really will be the best decision you ever make. All you need is “someone to join in in your weirdness” lol. 

Shout out to all my friends. You all know who you are. I love you all. Thank you for reading today everyone. I genuinely enjoyed getting the chance to write such a post. Please come join me on my Facebook/ twitter and instagram @sosodempo. My snapchat is @kimdempo and you can come talk privately anytime with me. 

Let me end on one of my favourite quotes! In the words of toys tory “you’ve got a friend in me”…. 

Peace and pout xxx